I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
