Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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