So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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