I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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