I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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