I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
