Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
