I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
