I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
