I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
