On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
