I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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