the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
