Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
