Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
