I just threw up on my dentist
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
