To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I love you. Go after that dick
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
