If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
