"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
