There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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