now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
