im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
