And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
