Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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