Well douche your snatch and let's go!
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
