Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
