I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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