she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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