The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
