y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize
