I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
