I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
