Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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