tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
