i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
