so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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