i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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