Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
We're too hungover to prance.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
