i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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