He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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