my mouth tastes like poor choices
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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