if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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