You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm too high and old for this...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
