can u get pink eye on your cock?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You ate ashes out of my bong
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
