Don't you send me to vm
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
