I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Quick, to the slutcave!
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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