i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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