Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
