he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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