So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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