I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
