You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Randomize
