I'm gonna have a badass scar
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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