wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
