Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
my being single is dangerous.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
