Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
