oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
