Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
she smelled like a LAN party
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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